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Anxiety

I am breathing quite heavily because it feels like I can't catch air, I feel like I am about to throw up, like my throat is being pressed, like I am carrying the heaviest burden on my chest and shoulders, I have a terrible stomach ache, my head hurts, my whole body is shaking uncontrollably, it feels like my heart has been replaced by a rock, my ears are buzzing.

I know I am doing this to myself and I know it is not fair. I should be enjoying myself. I need some kind of interaction and my parents are in the living-room with my aunt and uncle, but I can't handle that much people. I can't stop thinking about how happy and safe I would feel if I was spending this moment with one of my loved ones. I know I could make myself feel happy and safe, but it feels like I've forgotten how to do it, anxiety took control.

 I want to punch a wall, I want to hurt myself and snap back, feel present. I've been feeling way too much lately... but I've been here before and I know it will be okay. Tomorrow will be a new day, but the waiting seems too long, I can only hope that anxiety will be gone and that it won't come back.

 "What screws us up most in life is the picture of how it is supposed to be."

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