I’ve heard more than once in my life that suicide is "the easy way out”. Do they think it is easy for someone to chose to end their life? Do they think it means they are avoiding their problems and feelings? Do they think the reason why someone ends their own life is so that they don’t have to deal with their demons? Do they really think this is the reasoning behind it?
The hardest decision I have ever made was deciding I didn’t want to be alive anymore. The first time I ever asked for help I was told that it was “normal” for me to feel this way, that I was just going through adolescence. My friends already called me “crazy” and said I was “too intense”, the one time I talked to a friend about it, they freaked out. I was living on a constant fight with my mind, I was too depressed to do ANYTHING at all, I was living in fear, I felt too much emotional pain to the point where it became physical pain. It felt unbearable, I was living in hell, a hell made up by myself. I thought about my mom and dad and the way it would make them feel, I thought about all the things I had to be grateful for in my life, I thought about a million reasons to be alive, but it was all too much to handle, even with all these great things, it was unbearable, there was no way out but death.
I gave myself a second chance, I chose to stay alive, to heal, to get rid of the unhealthy coping mechanisms I had been used to my whole life. And it definitely hasn’t been easy at all, but I can’t even compare it to how hard it was to take the most painful decision I’ve taken. I don’t think suicide is easy, I don’t think it is for cowards, it takes a great amount of pain for someone to decide they don’t want to live anymore. And you don’t get to say that it is if you have not been there.
The hardest decision I have ever made was deciding I didn’t want to be alive anymore. The first time I ever asked for help I was told that it was “normal” for me to feel this way, that I was just going through adolescence. My friends already called me “crazy” and said I was “too intense”, the one time I talked to a friend about it, they freaked out. I was living on a constant fight with my mind, I was too depressed to do ANYTHING at all, I was living in fear, I felt too much emotional pain to the point where it became physical pain. It felt unbearable, I was living in hell, a hell made up by myself. I thought about my mom and dad and the way it would make them feel, I thought about all the things I had to be grateful for in my life, I thought about a million reasons to be alive, but it was all too much to handle, even with all these great things, it was unbearable, there was no way out but death.
I gave myself a second chance, I chose to stay alive, to heal, to get rid of the unhealthy coping mechanisms I had been used to my whole life. And it definitely hasn’t been easy at all, but I can’t even compare it to how hard it was to take the most painful decision I’ve taken. I don’t think suicide is easy, I don’t think it is for cowards, it takes a great amount of pain for someone to decide they don’t want to live anymore. And you don’t get to say that it is if you have not been there.
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