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The first step of recovery: accepting your diagnosis

When you are first diagnosed with a condition you might not know how to take it, or what to do next…
When I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and depression (about two years ago), I decided to dismiss my diagnosis because I did not believed in mental illness. I believed if I did acknowledged it I meant that I was admitting to be a failure, to be broken, to be defective, that it was like feeling pity for myself, I was ashamed of the fact that I sometimes wasn’t able to control myself or my what goes on in my mind.
I managed to be “stable” for a while, but then I had a relapse. It caused me  A LOT of problems: at work, in my academic life, with my family, my friends, my relationship… It felt like my hole world was crumbling apart, I was putting everything I need to do on hold, cancelling plans, loosing friendships, bursting out in rage, self-harming, hurting everyone around me. I didn’t knew how to get better, it felt like took one step forward and then I’d take three steps back. I stuck and I was destroying myself, until one day, I realized if I kept avoiding my diagnosis, I wasn’t going to get better. 
The first step for solving a problem it’s to define and understand it. So if you have just been diagnosed with any mental health disorder, and are not sure how to deal with it, I would  advice you to educate your self on it as much as you can. 
As I decided to take action and admit my condition to myself, I started researching as much I can about bpd and it’s symptoms. That is how I found out about Dialectical behavior therapy (a psychotherapy designed to help people suffering from bpd, mood disorders, self-harm, suicidal ideation, and substance abuse). I also came across people that struggle with the exact same things, which helped me find new ways to cope with it and their experiences where something I could relate to, which was a relief. 
Remember that a mental illness does not define who you are, it doesn’t mean you are a failure or you are defected, it is just a small part of what you are and you can get better.


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