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What it means to have Favorite Person for someone with BPD.


One of the symptoms of BPD is having a history of intense and unstable relationships. For me personally, the hardest relationship to mantain healthy, is the one with my favorite person. ‘Favorite person’ is the term given to describe the relationship that someone with BPD depends on.  

As borderlines, we don’t decide to have a FP… We suddenly find ourselves wanting to spend all day, every day with them. We admire and idolize them, to the point where we might start talking or acting like them, which is relate to the lack of sense of self. Our actions and emotions depend on what they do or what they don’t do and we need constant validation that they are okay with what we are doing or saying, because we are afraid to death of losing them or that they will stop loving us. We might try to push them away because we think so highly of them and so low of ourselves that it leads us to believe we are not worthy of them.  They are our only source of comfort, love and support. It is unbearable to wait for them to text back, because we want all of their attention. Whenever they do something we consider rejection, judgement, or invalidation, we split in them.

Sounds draining, right? Well, luckily we are very capable of improving our relationship with our FP, overcoming all of this thoughts and feelings, and managing our impulsivity. It surely takes a lot of work, patience and effort, but we CAN make it work: by making sure we are giving as much as we are taking. By working on our communication skills. By relying on someone else other than just our FP and SPECIALLY on ourselves. By being conscious of the way we are expressing our thoughts and feeling. By always having in mind that our FP is also a human being, they are not perfect, they WILL make mistakes and we are two different people, they won’t always react the way we’d like them to, because they don’t perceive things the way we do, just as we won’t always react the way they’d want us to, because we don’t perceive things the way they do. Always respect individuality.



To my favorite person: 

Thank you for not leaving my side despite my BPD. Thank you for showing me unconditional love and support. Thank you for believing in me with so much conviction that it became easier to do it myself. Thank you for being my best friend. Thank you for lighting up my world with the smallest (yet most meaningful) gestures. Thank you for making me feel alive at all times. Thank you for letting me know everything was going to be okay. Thank you for listening. Thank you for opening your arms and your heart to me. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for reminding me of how strong I am. That you for  fighting this battle by my side. Thank you for showing me that we are stronger together.





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