Ir al contenido principal

Some misconceptions about self harming and the reasons why I find comfort in it.

There is a  huge stigma surrounding self-harm, wich might be one of the main reasons why it is so hard to ask for help when you find yourself doing it.

A lot of people who are not familiar to the situation may believe that self-harming is about attention seeking, that it is a selfish thing to do, that it means you are suicidal, that it means you are crazy, that it means you enjoy the pain, that you can easily stop doing it, that self-harm only means cutting, that it is disgusting.

Self-Harming  doesn’t necessarily mean cutting, it can be any action that causes harm to yourself, pullying you hair, punching a wall, hitting yourself, burning. 

I have been self-harming for a while now, at first it was just punching or hitting myself, then I started cutting… I am not proud of it, I know there are better ways to deal with my emotions, I don’t enjoy it and most of the time I feel guilty and ashamed when I come back to my senses, but here are some reasons why I do it:
  1. I self-harm because it makes me feel something when I’m so numb I can’t feel anything.
  2. I self-harm when I feel emotionally overloaded, because physical pain can take away some emotional pain.
  3. I self-harm because there’s this voice in my head telling me that I deserve to feel the pain I made my loved ones feel while I was having an outburst.
  4. I self-harm when I dissociate so much I can’t recognize myself, or the place where I’m standing.
  5. I self-harm when I feel unworthy and disgusting. 
  6. I self-harm to avoid taking my anger out on others.
  7. I self-harm to feel relief.
Self-harming is a copping strategy and after a while it becomes a friend who offers comfort when you don’t know how to deal with yourself, that’s why it is so hard to get out of it… But the thing is, that a real friend would never hurt you.

Comentarios

Publicar un comentario

Entradas populares de este blog

What I want my loved ones to know about anxiety.

Living with anxiety is surely no piece of cake... It comes and goes in the most unexpected ways. You might be having a great day and all if a sudden it gets ruined by anxiety. It might be triggered by something you hear, something you see, a comment someone makes to you, or for no reason at all. When I'm feeling anxious and someone asks me "Are you okay?" or "How are you doing?", I'll probably want to cry for help, but I'll most likely end up lying and saying "I'm fine". And here's a few reasons why: 1. My anxiety tells that I am a burden. Anxiety can make you think poorly about yourself. It might tell you are worthless, it might tell you that the ones you love would be better off without you, it might tell you that by speaking about how you feel you are only bringing trouble or discomfort to your loved ones. (I don't want to worry you) 2. I don't want wear you out. Anxiety can be hard and overwhelming not only fo...
Publicar un comentario
Leer más

To the people who say that suicide is for cowards.

I’ve heard more than once in my life that suicide is "the easy way out”. Do they think it is easy for someone to chose to end their life? Do they think it means they are avoiding their problems and feelings? Do they think the reason why someone ends their own life is so that they don’t have to deal with their demons? Do they really think this is the reasoning behind it? The hardest decision I have ever made was deciding I didn’t want to be alive anymore. The first time I ever asked for help I was told that it was “normal” for me to feel this way, that I was just going through adolescence. My friends already called me “crazy” and said I was “too intense”, the one time I talked to a friend about it, they freaked out. I was living on a constant fight with my mind, I was too depressed to do ANYTHING at all, I was living in fear, I felt too much emotional pain to the point where it became physical pain. It felt unbearable, I was living in hell, a hell made up by myself. I thought about...
Publicar un comentario
Leer más

How my suicide attempt saved my life

“When you don't want to feel, death can seem like a dream. But seeing death, really seeing it, makes dreaming about it fucking ridiculous. Maybe, there's a moment growing up when something peels back... Maybe, maybe, we look for secrets because we can't believe our minds…” -Susanna Kaysen, Girl, Interrupted. My depression and anxiety had taken control of me, I felt stuck and scared, completely worthless and unlovable. I couldn’t stand my own existence, I had been self harming, having constant panic attacks, the voice in my head kept telling me that the people I loved would be better off without me, that someone else in the world deserved my place more than I did. I was having a rough day, I was lonely, I had no more will power left, no more energy, I exhausted. I didn’t wanted to feel anything anymore, anything at all I wanted to end to it. So I took some pills... I remember as I was taking a bath, I started feeling dizzy and fainted, my mom managed to get me o...
Publicar un comentario
Leer más